So I personally believe that if you are feeling shitty about your life, reading about other peoples problems make you feel better about your own. I mean, If you are having problems with your girlfriend or boyfriend and you read about someone having health problems or money problems or whatever, something more severe, your problems don’t seem as bad. I know all that sounds vague, I but I’ve found it to be helpful for me with my issues in the past. Which leads me to this, I am not a fan of venting my problems to other people, (maybe that’s an issue in itself) and I feel kind of the same way on here as I do have something of an audience, (6 people or whatever) but I hope that for those that are reading this, you feel maybe a little better about the issues that you are having. My problems really aren’t that bad, by most peoples standards. I have a job, a place to live. I make OK money, enough to get by rather easily living within my means. I have my immediate family whom are definitely my support system even though I don’t use them as much as I should. But I really don’t have any friends. I am pretty good at pushing people away, especially when I had my ex-girlfriend the previous year and a half. When we started dating, I pushed everyone out, by saying I was busy with her, or not calling, which I never did in the first place. I have 2 people that are married that I went to high school with that I see once every couple of months. They are my friends, but I know they are busy with their lives, they have 2 kids and jobs and a house. I have 1 guy who I kinda like, but he’s a little obnoxious sometimes and I can only stand him in short bursts. I have my ex, whom if you remember I kinda hang out with, but she’s a little standoffish right now, with good reason. I don’t really have work people, there’s 1 girl I had a huge crush on a couple of years ago, but that situation is a whole different story that I will eventually get to, we are work friends and I’ve thought of asking her to hang out but the rejection thing and her being weird about everything having to do with socializing. Then there’s a guy that I used to be really close with, and then Bri happened, and we still talked, and I asked him to come to my place a couple of times and he had reasons, sometimes poor ones, but he declined and we still hung out a little. We were supposed to go a show, but he took a nap beforehand after drinking all day and never showed up. I had bought him a ticket too, he never paid me back for that. I gave him one more chance in going to his place for a birthday thing for him, after Bri and I had broken up, and he kind of blew off the fact that we had broken up after I told him. Essentially he said he was sorry and that was it. And not 2 years previous, his ex broke things off with him and he was a wreck and I was there for him and I let him talk and asked him questions and everything. And for me, he was not there at all. That really irked me. I haven’t really spoken to him since, and I don’t think I really want to. I have a real hard time with friendships, I can’t ask people to hang out. I also don’t know how to get over that acquaintance/friend barrier. I know it’s just a matter of asking them to do something, but I have a major fear of rejection and I have a real hard time with people telling me no. Even with Bri I couldn’t. I wish I knew why. I think a lot of it has to do with how I’ve always kept to myself, I don’t mix with large groups of people very well. I’m definitely an introvert. I used to look forward to alone time, and the last couple of weekends I’ve found myself less looking forward to it. I know I need to find someone to spend time with, but I want to start seeing a therapist first and I’m not ready for that. I did therapy before and as that helped, It was kind of a hindrance as well. Paying someone to listen to me ramble me is the only way I can do it. I feel like I am being too bothersome to other people if I do it to them.
So I guess this blog ended up being more of a journal than anything. As that’s what the last 3 posts have been.
Here are 2 non-me things to share.
SPOILERS-
I watched this last night and it was really good. Very eerie. I don’t really know how to explain it. I liked how Adam went right into Anthony’s life and just took it over, like it was meant for him. Jake was good in it and he had worked with the director previously in Prisoners
Which was excellent as well.
And lastly
This is a great doom/death album that was released in 2006. Reminds me of old Katatonia or Anathema. Great vocal performances, great memorable riffs and good use of clean vocals and piano. Well-written melodic death/doom.
Mirror Antiquity 